Ok so I've had the game since launch day and although I like it and I'm cracking on through the seasons with a peculiar blend of pent-up frustration, furious anger, joyful delirium and utter disbelief (both positive and negative), there are some general things that a lot of people are complaining about, and I thought I'd give my ten pence on them. The complaints are in varying degrees of hysteria, and I've experienced some, if not all of the problems, and I'm torn between joining forces with the 'moaners' demanding answers for the problems, or the 'fanboys' denying anything is wrong and SI employees are welcome to a go on their daughter any day. That said, I think the following could be addressed in the second patch, to make a currently very good game (shhhh moaners, it is good) even better (shhhh fanboys, it can be improved):
- Despite the transfer code being re-written (and by and large, it definately is infinitely better than previous versions), the developers got a bit dizzy on helium and blue smarties when it came to coding Man City, injected them with money and then forgot to inform the poor little Manc data accountant not to spend a quarter of a billion pounds a season, exclusively on breathtakingly average attacking midfielders.
- 90% of transfer bids 'become public knowledge'; one can only assume a footballing agent is, contrary to popular belief, not well paid, and most agents moonlight for The Mirror.
- All 22 on-pitch players appear to be trying the SoccerAM crossbar challenge with insatiable enthusiasm by shooting from a quarter of a mile away.
- Speaking of, the frame of the goal seems to have some kind of magnet in it.
- Keepers' agricultural 'through balls' cause Titus Bramble-esque qualities in the defence who stop and cry whilst the oppo striker walks it in.
- 9 times out of 10 full backs are beaten like S&M fetishists by wingers with laughable dribbling stats such as 4.
- Your assistant manager grew up next to a farm with three fields and an electric fence, and was presumably subject to a violent mugging or sexual crime between the fence and the middle field, thus explaining his obsession with playing a holding midfielder.
- Players regularly partake in impromptu mini-games amongst themselves, such as the schoolyard classic 'Arse' wherby they line up and leather it at each other from 5 yards away for no discernible reason.
- As we all know, Arsenal have won every trophy in every major tournament in every sport in the world, for the last 40 years, and this is reflected in their trophy cabinet after 2 years in-game.
- Strikers who don't score a hat-trick get rated as 5.6.
- Strikers in fact are incapable of the proverbial in a brothel, let alone, god forbid, kicking the round thing through the big rectangle.
- England win all penalty shootouts. There's no need for a humourous comment here.
- Serious injuries (ruptured colon, severed head, shattered pelvis etc) happen regularly; in many games all 3 subs are made by the 70-minute mark as your assistant manager makes hurried plans to visit your star striker's next of kin.
- In fact, most pre-season run-ins are more emotionally expensive than the break-up of a long term relationship, as your team suffers greater losses than the Russian Army, circa 1939-45.
- Playing 4411 is so experimental and philosophically world-changing that the fabric of reality is broken and 13 bearded, be-robed players take to the pitch for a feast of hobbit's bread and virgin's tears whilst daubing themselves with goats blood under two glowing red suns.
All in all they're minor improvements I think, fairly easily tweaked. Chin up boys and girls whilst the developers sortitoutsi, and in the meantime we can all sleep soundly in the knowledge that its probably your tactics, but more importantly its definately only a game.