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Snappy answers to stupid press conference questions...


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Q: You must be delighted with the victory, given you opted to rest a number of key players?

A: I played nine of my strongest XI, with the other two injured and unavailable.

Another game without a goal for Player X, it must be affecting his confidence?

Actually he has played all season on the left wing and leads the league in assists, he just happens to be able to fill-in up front.

Do you agree that Player Y has let the side down with his poor recent displays?

His last five games have produced an average match rating of 7.44, and the team has won four and drawn one.

What are the chances of you giving into Player Z's demands for first team football?

He is my fourth choice 'keeper and hasn't played a competitive match in his four seasons at the club, so you tell me.

Who do you think will win World Player of the Year?

I've just beaten a relegation candidate to get out of the drop zone with five games to go in the Conference South, why are you asking me this?

The public will want to hear a proper answer from you...

Why would the public of Bromley care who I think will win the World Player of the Year?

I really need to press you for an answer here...

*Stabs reporter*

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Anyone got any others?

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And after committing first degree murder and storming out, having a Greek surname that just happens to end with -gelou brings forth the news headline:

xxxxxxxgelou-sy! lambasting my media handling skills. Which would be witty and relevant if it could be pronounced anything like 'lousy'. It's actually closer to 'jealousy' which seems to suggest something completely different, a little something behind the scenes. The usual tabloid trash.

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Annoying thing is that those answers were all in the same tone...bring the tone system to the press conferences??

How was today's match for you?

Passionately: Was blooming amazing lad!

How do you feel about Bobs red card

Aggresively: He will never play again, end of.

How to you think you chances are for the match ahead

Reluctantly: I think we stand no chance today, were just not good enough.

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Q. You have an important fixture against Augsburg* on Saturday, do you have any plans to rest [insert numerous key players here] in this midweek game against Barcelona.

A. Hmmm, let me think about that one.........do you think I should rest my best players against one of the most dangerous teams in the World?

*Augsburg are 17th in the league & I'm 1st with a 100% record with an average of 4 goals per game.

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