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Six year olds tie All England Team.

Rooney said he was thrilled with the 2-2 draw against the team of exceptional youngsters noting that the All England Team had to play the children at their own schoolyard and the team's physical education teacher was a vastly superior coach to England's sorry manager. "We have been on a bad run," he noted, "our confidence is sapped, we are playing an unfamiliar formation and the coaching really has been abysmal." Even though some call him the best player in the world, Rooney noted that there is only so much players can do if the manager is not fit for the job. "I may make millions and be valued in the billions, but really the players make little difference once the match starts. It all comes down to solid management and correct instructions from the sidelines."

The All England team next face the Retired Mother Superiors at home. Rooney believes that the home field advantage may help the team break a losing streak that dates back to the brutal game against Toddlers With Trouble Walking United whose brilliant tactician of the coach destroyed them 17-0. "We are worried about the Papal Blessing the Mothers receive before every game," Rooney noted, "and the goal keeper is barely in her 60s so we don't think she should really be playing on an over 65s team. If we lose we might appeal on those grounds and also due to distraction from the Pope's helicopter. It would be better to win out right, but an appeal is as good as a win." The stadium is expected to be a sellout which is a nice change of pace from the seventeen supporters who show up for the win versus the All German team and the 23 who saw England lose Cuba.